Welome to the All-New 2017 Pismotality Christmas Quiz. (*May include traces of questions from earlier years.)
1 " 'Oh why don't we play cards for her?' he sneeringly replied."
a) Name the song in which this enquiry features. b) Alright, Smartypants, now find a likely link to George Layton.
2 "Levitation's as easy as pie / Come on and hold hands with me in the sky."
Who or what links these lines to Michael McIntyre, The Female Eunuch and an alleged bribe by an MP's wife?
3 True or false: at the height of the British Invasion, Freddie Garrity's group played in Canada, and the band was introduced by Dick Cavett. The elderly Groucho Marx, Cavett's guest, was called onstage and upon seeing the endless sea of faces in front of him, momentarily inhaled, in the manner of Neil Kinnock at Sheffield, and smote his breast, declaring to a delighted crowd: "I'm a Dreamer, Montreal!"
4 Who perpetrated these song lyrics?
a: "Are you blind to the winds of change?"
b: "We were at the discotheque, / Dancing to the Sex-o-lettes ..."
c: "Now that I know you socially / Obviously I'll fall heavily."
5 "One mint julep was the cause of it all."
Yes, yes, we all know it's the Clovers, nobody's impressed, shut up. What I was going to ask - no, really, wait a minute, I've got it - what is the name of the 70s seasonal rites of passage song in which the aforesaid cocktail also features and how many years separated the lovers?
6 "It's just my job, five days a week."
"A five minute break is all you take"
"He's been workin' and slavin' his life away."
Name these labour-intensive songs and the artists.
7 "You're always window shopping but never stopping to buy."
"Stand in the mirror - dig yourself."
"I kept buying china until the crowd got wise."
Identify these examples of conspicuous consumption (thwarted or otherwise).
8 Three songs about children but three separate questions to answer.
"Mr McCann was a practical man, [BLANK] was his only son." In what sense could this song be called streetwise?
"There'd be no one there to raise them / If you did." Who penned this out of this world lyric?
"We'll have a kid / Or maybe we'll rent one." What's the narrative connection to Yellow Submarine?
9 "I'll tune into you, you tune into me"
"I'm a country station, I'm a little bit corny"
"Sit you down, father. Rest you."
Name the radio-related songs in which these lines feature. (If the first one eludes you, oh, I dunno, use a bit of common.)
10 "I meet the man who owns the ghost train, he says 'You're just great / I'll pay you top class wages if you'll just step through this gate.' "
"Remember a holiday in a north of England town, / You slept in a room upstairs in a bed of eiderdown."
Why do these sound like a Mayorally humiliating spectacle?
11 Who are the newsworthy illiterates:
"He never ever learnt to read or write so well / But he could play a guitar"
"Talking on the phone is not my speed, / Don't send me no letters cause I can't read"
12 Who are the wrappers:
"I will bring you happiness, / Wrapped up in a box and tied with a yellow bow"
"Save the girls upstairs for later ... Wrap them up in Christmas paper"
13 "He's Very Good With His Hands."
What's the composer's link with Little Ern?
14 Identify these canine ditties:
"Solving crime's his asset, / Which ain't too bad for a long-eared bassett"
"Old MacDonald he made us work / But he paid us for what it was worth"
"I turned around to solve this mystery / And who d'ya think was sittin' next to me?"
15 They say you shouldn't mix your drinks - or indeed drink and drive - but why do Bonaparte Shandy, Cherry Cola and unmarked cars belong together?
16 How did a lord transform Brutus while claiming to be a vagabond king?
17 a) Which song was no walk in the park even (if a certain amount of ham was involved)?
b) On a related note, explain how Ricky and Suzy are linked to a poetic Picket.
18 Kool and the Gang; the Idle Race and Julie Felix. How did I know there was a link between these three? (Pause) I decided there was. What is it?
19 Big Jazza is to Dion as [BLANK] is to Chubby Checker.
20 Wodehouse's Madeline and Donovan's Geraldine. What is locking them together?